Faith Speaks - Sex and Me

So no one replied. I'm pretty sure people read this, at least one person. Come on, don't you have anything to ask me? I used to be a man, turned into a female vampire slayer, and now work for a secret government group that hides alien technology. I'd lose my mind asking questions.

But here is what I've had on my mind lately. Maybe this will make someone respond, because it is about my sex life.

So I'm dating a guy. Yes, I was a completely straight guy before all of this. But since the change, things have been different. I don't know if it was some part of Faith being made part of me or just the body, but I'm into guys now. I can't even think of other girls like that anymore. That's one of the weirder things about all of this. I remember being with girls when I was a guy. When I try to focus on it, I find myself imagining myself as the girl. Which is really weird.

But I'm dating a guy, I met him at work shortly after I changed. I've never really asked him about how he feels about how I used to be a guy. I've gotten where I try to ignore it, so he never brings it up. I don't know if he does that for my sake or if he doesn't want to think about it either. I don't think I really act like a normal girl around him. We mainly hang out and watch either action movies or scifi movies.

We do have sex. I guess if you know anything about the tv version of Faith, then you might have a decent idea of what I'm like in that area. I wish it hadn't copied that bit, but I can't really go back. I don't go around with anyone though, just him. I do feel like it sometimes, but I'm able to resist it. That's the odd thing about the change. I can't fight some of it, but the other stuff I can. I can keep myself from acting like a slut, but I can't be into girls. I talked to this guy who is in the science department, he thinks the structure of the brain is changed. The mind is transferred to it, making things that are genetic impossible to resist. A few of the things the tv Faith was into had to do with her upbringing and past, since I didn't live with that, I'm able to resist it. Although it is always there. Sometimes when I'm drunk or angry it comes out more. He and I have had some fun every now and then. Just watch the show and what they could show with Faith, like that but definitely not for tv.

Sometimes I do worry about things though. I don't know if he's attracted to me or my body. I know he is a fan of Eliza. I guess the fact that he puts up with my drama is a good sign. I really don't know about our future together. I really don't believe in marriage, but if he asked I don't think I could say no. I do love him, I feel so better when I'm with him. But those little thoughts about my past pop up every now and then. I really don't know about kids. That's just something I try not to think about. I know it will come up eventually. I just don't think I'm ready for that or that I'd be good at that. I can barely keep my own shit together, I don't know how I'd be able to raise a kid.

But, once again, ask me anything.

Faith Speaks - Intro

The following was emailed to me. I do not know if it is true or not.

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So, I really don't know how to start this. Not that anyone would believe it in the first place. Well, here goes nothing. My name is Faith and I hunt vampires for the government, among other scary shit. I'm only doing this because my therapist thought I need a decent way to vent and suggested a diary. But since this is the 21^st Century I decided to blog. I'm not worried about the government censoring it, they really don't care, besides no one would possibly believe it.

So, about my life. I look exactly like Eliza Dushku circa season 3 of Buffy the Vampire Slayer and I have all the Slayer powers. Pretty cool huh? But here's the weird bit, I used to be a guy and I'm stuck this way. All things considered, it could be worse. I'm still human, I had friends who weren't so lucky. Still, it isn't bad being a girl. It really isn't that much different, except for a few minor things. By minor things I mean the major difference. But I got used to it after a few months, I don't really have a choice for a few decades.

It's weird really, I've barely been like this for a year now (about 9 months or so) and I'm already forgetting my old life. It just seems so alien to what I am now. Having a living reminder of my old life doesn't help, but I might explain that later. This is all about me, like every other blog written by a girl.

I'll write more in the future, this was just the intro. So if you read this and have a question, post it. I'll answer it, I'm bored at work because nothing is happening right now. Granted I can't tell you everything, national security and all that. But we'll go on a case by case basis.

If you reply.